The Enigmatic Epic of Ontario Place: A Comedy of Errors

The province's auditor general has decided to embark on a quest to decipher the mysteries of the Ford government's grand plan for Ontario Place and the relocation of the Ontario Science Centre to Toronto's waterfront. Yes, it seems they've realized that this political saga is more cryptic than a Dan Brown novel.

A spokesperson for the auditor general's office, speaking in a tone of utmost seriousness, confirmed this eyebrow-raising investigation to CBC Toronto. The news was initially unveiled by the all-knowing Global. But, much like a magician guarding their secrets, the spokesperson cryptically stated, "As these audits are currently in progress, we cannot comment on them further." Well, aren't they the master of suspense?

Meanwhile, Premier Doug Ford and his government are facing more public opposition than a clown at a funeral for their Ontario Place masterplan. It includes a brilliant idea to lease part of the site to a company from Austria, because nothing says "Ontario" like an Austrian water park. You know, just what we needed in the Great White North.

Photo by Frank Castro on Unsplash

And if you thought that was fantastic, they also have plans for a new beach, boardwalk, and cycling trails on the West Island. Who cares if we're not actually on an island and it's not even in the West? Let's just pretend we're in the Bahamas.

To fund this spectacle, the province has generously earmarked $650 million of your hard-earned tax dollars for infrastructure upgrades and a massive underground parking garage that could probably house a few small countries. After all, who needs healthcare when you can park your car underground?

But that's not all, folks! Premier Ford had a Eureka moment and decided to relocate the Ontario Science Centre to Ontario Place, probably because it's an excellent place to ponder the science of political decisions.

The request for an audit came from the heroes at "Ontario Place for All," a group fighting valiantly against the impending doom of Ontario Place. NDP Leader Marit Stiles also joined the party, as it seems there's something they can all agree on – that this is a Titanic-sized disaster in the making.

In response to this news, Ontario Place for All took to X, formerly known as Twitter, to express their delight, probably with a few laughing emojis: "So glad the auditor general has agreed to our request to audit the rushed and secretive process that is leading to the ruin of Ontario Place and the Science Centre."

NDP Leader Stiles added her voice, saying, "People know this is a bad deal for Ontario, and I'm confident the Auditor General's report will confirm that."

In the meantime, Mayor Olivia Chow and a bunch of city councillors have also raised their torches against this impending monstrosity, but whether they'll succeed in stopping it remains to be seen.

And for the cherry on top, Infrastructure Minister Kinga Surma has been mysteriously quiet about the "business case" for this project. It's almost as if they're guarding it in a vault next to the Holy Grail.

This whole saga reminds us of a Shakespearean tragedy, where the stage is set for chaos, comedy, and a lot of puzzled faces. Stay tuned for the next act in the Ontario Place Chronicles!